Wednesday, April 30, 2008

So, What Would You Do?

My wonderful little man and I have been butting heads lately. He's 8. He thinks he's 13. He's a smart little cookie ( too smart sometimes). He's trying to assert some independence. He's asserting it all giving me a particularly hard time, by attempting back talk and by being extremely moody!

During a 'because I asked you to' moment, he blurted out " I'm going to stay at my dad's house". Caught off guard but staying quick on my feet I calmly responded "Well, next time I speak with him I'll mention it". Now, understand, my son has NEVER stayed at his fathers. His father has, shall we say, moved on. Also know, we have not heard from my X for over a month now. No calls, no visits, no e-mails...nothing. Not uncommon, but very frustrating. I know that my little guy's comment was just an 'I'm mad at you' statement and that he didn't mean it, but it still really stung.

I really just don't understand how he does X that is. Somehow, with minimal (actually almost non-existent) interaction, repeated let-downs, a lifetime of inconsistencies, he has still managed to wave some sort of magic wand over my son's head to make himself important (to a point).

I have to wonder, if I was not single and my son had a 'father figure' who was consistent in the house, would my X still have his magic power?

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I wanna go home....

Ever have one of those crazy, insane days at work where things just aren't making sense or going your way? Well, today is one of those. I work in an office, I'm the office manager in fact. That's the fancy title for "wearer of many different hats and overall wonder-worker" I've had my fill of catching mistakes, fixing blunders, smoothing things over, trying to make things match and dealing with irate people (who by the way happen to be WRONG!) for one day. The thing's only been a half day! My little man had a dentist appointment this morning (look cavities) I'm watching the clock, waiting for the moment I'll turn off the computer and say that's it..I'm outta the mean time...I think I'll take a deep breath and take a where is that Kit-Kat bar?

Monday, April 28, 2008

Why Does it Wait for the Weekends?

It never fails. Somehow it always seems to happen. If and when I allow myself to feel a little under the weather it tends to occur over the weekend. Sure I may feel a little off of the mark during the week...but the weekends are when I'm hit with the whammy. What is that all about???? Why, I have to wonder, can't it happen during the week? At least then I can take a sick day, relax, nap, have some toast and tea...take care of me. This would be attainable because little man would be in school. But alas, the weekend he is not...and there is laundry to be done...groceries to buy...and of course the responsibilities of being a mommy. Fortunately for me, little man is now 8, and therefore does not need constant supervision and entertaining. But, even though 8 seems so big, it's still so small...and supervision still very required..

I will say that I am one of the luckiest mommies in the world. Yes the laundry got done, the groceries did not (but that can be done today after work)....and my little man was on his very best behaviour. He took it upon himself to make Sunday a "take care of mommy day". He kept me tucked in on the couch, kept himself suitably occupied...even made me peanut butter and banana for lunch. I certainly don't feel in any way that it is his responsibility to take care of me, but I think it was awfully cute of him to want to try. Makes me think that just maybe, I'm doing a good job....

Saturday, April 26, 2008

I'm thinking he's ready...

Okay, it's spring in Toronto. That means off with the winter tires, on with the summer tires. I , being the responsible person that I am, made an appointment for this with my mechanic for first thing this morning (and have a few other maintenence things done to my little car) . My mother graciously offered to watch little man while I'm gone for the morning...YAY NANNY! So, I'm wolfing down breakfast as I explain to little man what the plan is for the morning...

"Whatcha' doing mom?"

"Brushing my teeth and making myself all pretty cuz Mommy needs to pop out for a while this morning"

"Where ya going?"

"To get some work done on the car"

" Hmmmmmm....getting all pretty eh......bringing me home a new daddy?"

Me.......suddenly stunned and taken by surprise......"LOL...why would you say that baby?"

"Huh.....because I could use one"...then quietly goes back to his computer game......."But mom....."


"I'll always love you the best...."

I'm thinking.......he's ready.......

Friday, April 25, 2008

Pizza, Pj's, Popcorn and a Movie

It's Friday and I am EXHAUSTED! Nothing like taking a week off to remind you just how hard you actually work! I desperately need to get back into the swing of things but for tonight, I think it's going to be pizza, pj's, popcorn and a movie for me and my little man.

My waistline may not be so forgiving.....but what the heck. My workout regime is scheduled to be put back in motion on Sunday....

Now.....what movie....hmmmmmmmm......

Sometimes I just have to wonder....

I'm not sure about you, but as a parent, I want to be with my child as much as possible. Ok, we all need a break, and I don't mean every second of the day, but I do want to spend some quality time with him every day. I want to know how his day was, I want to give him a hug and tuck him in. I want him to know that I am there for him in every way possible. That being son and I went on vacation last week. We had a glorious time, just the two of us. Something that we will always have to treasure and remember. We've been back for a week now and he has yet to hear from my X.

Woman have been doing it forever...being the primary caregiver and I know that I thrive as a parent. I'm not supermom by any means, and I have so very much to learn, but I love the learning process. I just don't understand how it can be so carelessly one sided. How can a person be a part of creating another life and then just be so frivolous about being a part of it. Is it something that one is born with? I have to wonder because there are many, many wonderful dad's out there, but there are also many who are not so wonderful. In history, it has generally been the mom's responsibility for the rearing of children, but times are changing. I say, you are either in or you are more of this hanging on by a thread. It's really not fair to the emotional impact on a little person to have someone jump in and out of their life so haphazardly.
Thankfully, my son is a wonderful, insightful and caring little boy with a very large heart. It pains me to see how often he forgives his 'father' for his inconsistencies and lack of efforts....but just maybe that is what makes my son a better person than I.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

And that is exactly what it is....

....a brand new day!

Fresh from vacation, the spring air rejuvinating, I figured it was about time that I make a fresh start. Things are good, but could be better.....I swore to myself that this was the year that I would make some changes to move it forward....and I've fallen short so far. Yes, I'm still on that healthier lifestyle track, ys I'm still working out more often than not.....but I am still...painfully...single. Oh no, not the pain as in "feeling sorry for myself and suffering heartche", more like " I' don't want to face anothercouple function and be looked at with pity" kind of pain. Up until now, being single has been fine. Sure I get those lonely moments, but it's also kinda nice. But maybe I'm getting TOO set in my ways. Onwards I must go or one day I'll turn around and discover that I'm 60 and still single! I know...I still have a few good years left! LOL.....but time sure can go fast!